Freemasonry in the U.S.A.

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Freemasonry in the U.S.A.

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'Suddenly, it dawned on Homer why Grampa never gets traffic tickets'...

Homer Simpson

Homer: I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, evil stuff... and I want in.

Homer: I'd give anything to get into the Stonecutters.

Lisa: What do they do there, dad?

Homer: What do they do? What don't they do!? Oh, they do so many things--they never stop. Oh, the things they do there, my stars!

Lisa: You don't know what they do there, do you?

Homer: Not as such, no.

Lisa: You're a member of the Stonecutters, grampa?

Grampa: Oh, sure, let's see. I'm an Elk, a Mason, a communist, I'm the president of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance for some reason... ah, here it is, the Stonecutters.

Homer: This is it! My ticket in! They have to let me join if I'm a son of a member. I'll take this communist one too!

Homer Simpson

Originally aired: Sunday January 8, 1995 on FOX

Writer: John Swartzwelder
Director: Jim Reardon
Guest Stars: Patrick Stewart (#1)
Production Code: 2F09

Homer has trouble with a plumber and at work he begins noticing that Lenny and Carl have a lot of mysterious privileges at work. Lenny keeps giving hints that they are part of a secret. Homer follows them one night when they go to their secret meeting place. Every male in Springfield that he knows is in the place. Lenny lets it slip that they are the Stonecutters and Homer wants to be a member. He discovers that Abe is a member, which means that he can easily become a member. They initiate him with painful rituals and he is member #908. As a Stonecutter, the plumber quickly fixes the leak in his basement and he gets a new parking space at work. When they celebrate a big occasion Homer desecrates a sacred parchment. As his punishment Homer is kicked out of the club and they take his clothes. Upon stripping him, they discover a birthmark. It is shaped like their logo, which means he must be the chosen one. They begin to worship him. They let him win at card games. Soon his life becomes meaningless and too easy. Lisa recommends that he begin helping people in the community using his new authority. The Stonecutters don't like helping people, so they form a new secret society, the "No Homers". As the only Stonecutter left, he begins feeling lonely. Marge makes him realize that he is part of a more exclusive club... the Simpson family.

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